poupeegirl fashion brand community



16/04/2020

Welcome. If you're reading.

For a pre-warning, this blog can be highly depressing or offensive, so please avoid if you do not wish to view such content.

是DNA 唱我反调 还是我 的命运 不敢自编自导
16:23

01/02/2017

Life is really a bitch sometimes and reading back on my old blogposts make me proud to be where I am standing right now.

Maybe I am in no means a better person than I was before, but at least I can tell myself that I am content, happy with my life.

Sometimes it feels as if I've always lived in abed of flowers. It's funny, especially when I know it's not so. I've also put it effort, made decisions, to come this far. Some were painful, and made me feel terrible at some point of time, but as the years passed I realized how everything paid off, how everything was planned just right for me -- to be here, to do this, to experience that, everything I needed to help me mature and grow up.

Maybe I'm not that all mature as I may think, but I think I'm still doing pretty well. Sleepless nights are still inevitable once in a while, but at least I've been having considerably less than before.

Yet my brain still cannot fathom how hard is it for others to see the same, of the blessings in their lives. I feel like I'm already pushed to the brink of giving up. How do I help someone who refuses the same help that she seeks? It frustrates me, and the thought of 'do I still care about her?' frustrates me even more.

I hate to see her destroy herself like this, that's for a fact. But I'm way too tired to involve myself again only to see the exact same results as before. Will she open her eyes to reality? Sometimes I really want to scream "WAKE UP". But things just don't work that way.

Maybe she'll come to see it herself one day. When she is able to put her pride down and acknowledge her weaknesses. Maybe. One day.

I can only wish for such.



-Yumi. 

是DNA 唱我反调 还是我 的命运 不敢自编自导
03:11

20/10/2015

What remains of you is nothing more than the sweetest lie.

A nightmare that haunts me every night.

A monster that I'm constantly running from.

It's all in my head, it's all in my head.

You're so cruel to enter my life and then leave like this.

Was it because of me?

Why?

What happened?

What happened?

Why?

Why.

Answers I don't need.

Answers I want to hear.

Answers I don't want to hear.

Answers I need to hear.

Terrible, terrible dream;

Will I ever forget it all one day?






-Yumi.

是DNA 唱我反调 还是我 的命运 不敢自编自导
01:44

03/09/2015

A certain abnormal feeling that makes me realize how useless I am in situations

I won't say it's a "oh wow you suck" kind of thing but self realization?

That I'm so used to dealing and solving my own problems

It's not in me to tell people anything but "You have to pull yourself out from it"

Selfish? Unable to think for others?

I'm not really sure.

I'm ahead of my times as a 19 year old kid

I've achieved, definitely, much more than anyone my age would have

There's no stopping in me because I just keep working towards my goal without stopping

I'll always find loopholes to get myself through

But not everyone is like that

Especially that of my closest friends

We're all very different, very insecure creatures

Suicide attempts not unheard of

Though thankfully, not recently.

There's so many things I wish I could solve but I know I cannot solve.

I can't provide the correct sympathy because I'm just not the right person.

They want someone who can relate to it, who can tell them that it's all going to be fine but

As much as I want to tell them that how much sincerity and truth is inside that one sentence?

How am I to tell someone "I know you're going to be fine" when I myself am worrying on and on about them

I'm straightforward, crude

It doesn't really bounce off really well with the type of people I'm around most of the time

But yet I myself am brought up to believe that if you don't take the initiative to change yourself no one else is going to be able to do anything about it

I don't know.

How can I change myself?








-Yumi.

是DNA 唱我反调 还是我 的命运 不敢自编自导
01:00

27/05/2015

im so fucking stressed over something that i shouldn't even be feeling stressed over

it's so annoying i just want to scream and tear apart everything

but then again whose fault is it? no one's but mine

im just fucking inconveniencing everyone

i cant even say its his fault because how is it his fault

it's mine because i'm the one going crazy over him

it's mine because i'm the one being a little bitch and creating trouble

he might as well just hate me for it

if he hates me maybe i'll stop all this bullshit too

it'll be better for me too

i want to scream and tear apart everything

but what is there even to scream and tear apart?

in the end i'm just being a mad woman by myself and inconveniencing everyone around me

if only i could just erase myself away right now

maybe everyone would feel better

是DNA 唱我反调 还是我 的命运 不敢自编自导
00:43

25/02/2015

I'm afraid.

I don't know why, but I just am.

The smell of independence suddenly feels so scary to me.

Maybe it's because I'll be far away from home.

Maybe it's because I won't have everything I have here with me there.

I'm scared.

Yet I know, I made my decision knowing that things would be scary alone.

Why do I doubt myself now?

Is it because of daily discouragement?

Attachment?

I don't know.

But I want to be scared.

Scared of doing things.

Then I'll challenge myself to overcome those fears.

There's going to be one day where I have to not be scared of certain things and take charge, make decisions,

Live my life.

It's alot of things that, I know I have the capability. But am I really using it to full use?

I'm scared.

But it's okay.

My fear will bring me to greater heights.


-Yumi.


是DNA 唱我反调 还是我 的命运 不敢自编自导
03:42

27/12/2014

I can't sleep.

Recently my mind's been filled with so many thoughts I just can't sleep.

Yet these thoughts aren't actually bothering me in any way, but it's me...thinking.

Feeling.

I feel like I've come a long way since September.

Ever since I swore to myself to grow into a healthier person.

It's amazing how many things can change once you start to feel yourself more and more.

And now, not love yourself on a physical level but on an emotional level.

I think it's hard for a lot of people to come to the consent that...we're just human.

When we feel a certain way, there really doesn't have to be a reason to it and,

Neither must there be a cause, or someone to blame, not even yourself.

People are always, always. Trying to explain their feelings with something concrete. Because this way, it makes yourself feel at ease. That if someone asks why, you would know how to answer.

I grew up as a kid who was always asking. Why? To many things. Yes, some worldly things, do have a reason to them. But when it comes to feelings, I feel that a simple explanation can't actually represent the entire bulk of your emotions.

Our feelings are so complex, even the current dictionary can't define to the point our reactions, our mood. We can try to find answers, but are we always satisfied with the answer? Do we end up searching deeper?

I find that life is much easier when you stop searching for that answer. And eventually, that answer will find you. When one searches too deep for something, it's easy to lose sight of it and then be lost in the darkness.

Nowadays, instead of finding answers I choose acceptance. To be accepting of how I feel, my emotions. And from there, I then choose whether I want to do something about it. Not every acceptance requires an action.

I have to say that once I started to think this way more my life has start to feel more carefree, I don't feel bounded by chains of my emotions unlike how I used to be in the past.

There's no need for me to feel guilty, for guilt-trip others for how I feel. But if I'm feel sad, then I want to think of happy things. Say happy stuff. I don't want to add on to my sad thoughts because I won't be going anywhere that way.

Life doesn't have to be so confusing.

Just like I once said, I cannot say that I hate my life.

I can only say that I love it so much that I fear wasting it on things that were never meant to be.

Negative emotions, although it's good to feel once in a while, were never meant to overwhelm you, take away your happiness.

My life is not meant to be that way.

And neither should yours.

Start thinking on the bright side, good memories, good moments, things that make you happy.

And also,

Don't forget to smile.



-Yumi.


是DNA 唱我反调 还是我 的命运 不敢自编自导
04:39