Life is really a bitch sometimes and reading back on my old blogposts make me proud to be where I am standing right now.

Maybe I am in no means a better person than I was before, but at least I can tell myself that I am content, happy with my life.

Sometimes it feels as if I've always lived in abed of flowers. It's funny, especially when I know it's not so. I've also put it effort, made decisions, to come this far. Some were painful, and made me feel terrible at some point of time, but as the years passed I realized how everything paid off, how everything was planned just right for me -- to be here, to do this, to experience that, everything I needed to help me mature and grow up.

Maybe I'm not that all mature as I may think, but I think I'm still doing pretty well. Sleepless nights are still inevitable once in a while, but at least I've been having considerably less than before.

Yet my brain still cannot fathom how hard is it for others to see the same, of the blessings in their lives. I feel like I'm already pushed to the brink of giving up. How do I help someone who refuses the same help that she seeks? It frustrates me, and the thought of 'do I still care about her?' frustrates me even more.

I hate to see her destroy herself like this, that's for a fact. But I'm way too tired to involve myself again only to see the exact same results as before. Will she open her eyes to reality? Sometimes I really want to scream "WAKE UP". But things just don't work that way.

Maybe she'll come to see it herself one day. When she is able to put her pride down and acknowledge her weaknesses. Maybe. One day.

I can only wish for such.



-Yumi.