There was this point in time I remember I said whenever I surface back on this blog it's always a bad thing.

Well, I'm back here again and personally I don't know whether it's a bad or good thing this time, because I'm not actually feeling particularly down over an issue or just my life in general.

Just, different questions have been surfacing in my mind and I just wanted to take this time while I'm wide awake for some reason at 2.30AM to clear my thoughts and vomit out all my opinions at one go or some sort.

So the first one is,

Who are you living for?

People often say you must live for yourself, but it also makes sense in a way to live for your parents or children because they brought you up/you bring them up. Alternatively, living for your partner because he or she is to share the rest of your life with you. I'm really sure how I'm supposed to view this either, because though I do tell myself and others to live for myself/themselves, I find myself being hypersensitive over things sometimes. Like, maybe I do care about people opinions. I don't know exactly how to describe but, what is that balance, the balance you must strike so that you will be happy, but at the same time not being a person who can't read the atmosphere? Haha. Honestly I still have no idea.

And also, about people we love. It might seem a little more ridiculous because when the person you're really in love with is a famous person well, more famous than an average people others will be like..."You're wasting your life on this person!" Well true, I would say please don't waste your life if it's just the looks you focus on. But if you're really in love with such a person, to what extent should you let him or her affect your life? In my case, honestly speaking it is rather saddening because the relationship between the artiste and the fan is rather vague. You will love them, but you don't always love them in that certain way. And sometimes even if you love them that way, it pains to know on both the artiste and/or the fan's side it's hard to ever have such a real relationship. I'm not going to talk about the artiste cause well, I don't know how that feels. But as a fan and friends of fans, I know a few people and maybe myself too who get affected by this feeling of hope and despair thrust at you at the same time. You know it could be possible, but what are the chances? And then you wonder why the hell do you like him so much and you just get so upset with yourself and life and you feel like giving up on everything THAT LAST PART MIGHT'VE SOUNDED SLIGHTLY EXAGGERATED but trust me, it happens.

Admittedly, I have no right or wrong judgment to place on loving such a person. You're not stupid for loving someone like that, feelings and love are wonderful things. It's a blessing to have someone you can love. But you definitely should not be placing so much importance on that one person that you let life crumble just because he or she is probably never going to be that other half in your life. It works the same the way as normal relationships, he or she should never be the deciding factor of who you are! You're not stupid for loving someone you might never have, neither are you a piece of useless shit just because you're so worked up about something revolving around him or her. It's normal, I mean, who doesn't get jealous if the person you love gives attention to someone else? Who doesn't feel lonely when the person you love isn't by your side, or worse, far away from you? Who doesn't want to see the person they love everyday? Tip for people who are in love with artistes: Learn to understand their lifestyle as well :) Although they're artistes, they're humans as well. You can't expect them to be updating 24/7 about how they are, and not to mention they sometimes will need private times to themselves too. It's worrying, I must agree, but just believe in them. It's not possible for them to reply to everyone all the time as well because they're either busy or there's just way too many things to reply to, they're not superhumans! And I'll be using vkei terms here but it applies for any artiste, if they have tsunagaris or mitsus, to hell with that! I personally don't welcome the concept of mitsus but, if the dude or dudette likes it, the dude or dudette likes it. If he or she fucks up his or her life, it's got nothing to do with you. It's depressing, but sometimes you just got to suck that up. They're people who can make decisions for themselves as well. We can say, "It's bad" but in the end it's still up to them to pave their life, right?

Same for us, we make our own choices in life. Agreed, we might get slightly swayed by people's opinions now and then, and it's normal. It's human. But deep down inside I just want everyone to remember that this life you have, I don't care whether you owe one to your mum your dad your neighbour your cat your flying sea turtle or whatever else there is out there. You may owe one to them, but you owe yourself much much more. This life was made for you and you to enjoy. Grasp on to that glimmer of sunshine in your life and start creating happiness from yourself. And always, smile.








-Yumi.