Hi.

I think you know well enough that everytime I resurface on my blog, nothing is good.

I know hardly anyone reads my blog anymore, but I need something to talk to.

Please, don't be judgemental and just read this as how any 16 year old would feel.

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...

...

So today, I fell out with both my parents. They were frustrated, yes, utterly frustrated that my priority settings were not on par with theirs. Like any parents, this is their schedule for me. Work, work, work. Work, work and even more work.

I admit, I'm a different kid from everyone else. My life goal isn't to have a successful stable career, or to become some scholar in who knows what university. I had my unique ambitions, my unique interests, something so out of the norm from the average child.

But no, they don't understand. They say they do, but when do they ever? If they understood me, will they label cosplay as trash? If they understood me, would they call my band redundant? If they understood me...

Would they call my interaction with friends a waste of time?

They don't. They really don't. They think I'm handling everything at a mediocre level, but I'm not.

Everything hurts. Family, School, Friends. They all hurt.

I don't even know why I still choose to live.

My family doesn't know me for who I want to be. They know me as someone they think I should be. They say I have freedom, they say I should feel joy. It will never happen.

School keeps on piling us with new things. Teachers care for us, but they don't see the fault in my mental health. I won't be in denial to say that I might just be going through a mild stage of depression.

Friends. They're leaving. They're leaving me for people who share interests with them, people who are popular. They only run back when they need help. When I need help, no one's ever there to listen to me cry.

I'm still me. I'm still the same old, fragile me. The same old me who is nothing but a glass of plain water without anyone there.

Just a glass of water, waiting for someone to throw me off the table and let me break into a million pieces.

If nothing I ever do is considered right,

Then nothing ever will.

I

Really

Feel

Like

Ending

My

Life

Right

Now

....



-Yumi.