Frustration

Im so frustrated

With myself

Or with the world

I have no idea

All i know is

That this...feeling

Is holding me down

I see

So many of my friends

Suffer from it

Whether unrequited

Or in the relationship

So much

Tears

Feelings

Spent on someone else

Of course I'm not saying that it's bad to think of someone else

But when one spends too much of their time and thoughts

Over another person

Sometimes I feel that that's dumb

Ironically enough I myself do the same

Recently I realized that

I'd check ameba everyday

Ever since he replied

And although I already tell myself

"There wont be anything"

Deep down inside I can feel

That it wishes for something to be there

And even though I was already prepared to receive nothing

I feel sad.

Is this love?

I wonder.

Although I've been through 2 short relationships

I feel like

Maybe I still don't know what love is

But love to me, its a burden

I spend too much on someone else

It makes me worried

Angry

Sad

All those feelings I don't want to have

But yet, at the same time

I get joy.

Laughter.

Blessings.

On those days life never feels any better.

Yet i continue to ask myself

Why him?

Why is he your exception?

What's so special about him?

Why is it I can't seem to...find anyone else that would move my heart like him?

Why can't I give myself a break from all this love thing

In the most

Deepest annoyance

And hatred

And anger

If you can still feel that

Your heart is with him

Then maybe

Maybe.

That is love.

~Yumi.