Frustration
Im so frustrated
With myself
Or with the world
I have no idea
All i know is
That this...feeling
Is holding me down
I see
So many of my friends
Suffer from it
Whether unrequited
Or in the relationship
So much
Tears
Feelings
Spent on someone else
Of course I'm not saying that it's bad to think of someone else
But when one spends too much of their time and thoughts
Over another person
Sometimes I feel that that's dumb
Ironically enough I myself do the same
Recently I realized that
I'd check ameba everyday
Ever since he replied
And although I already tell myself
"There wont be anything"
Deep down inside I can feel
That it wishes for something to be there
And even though I was already prepared to receive nothing
I feel sad.
Is this love?
I wonder.
Although I've been through 2 short relationships
I feel like
Maybe I still don't know what love is
But love to me, its a burden
I spend too much on someone else
It makes me worried
Angry
Sad
All those feelings I don't want to have
But yet, at the same time
I get joy.
Laughter.
Blessings.
On those days life never feels any better.
Yet i continue to ask myself
Why him?
Why is he your exception?
What's so special about him?
Why is it I can't seem to...find anyone else that would move my heart like him?
Why can't I give myself a break from all this love thing
In the most
Deepest annoyance
And hatred
And anger
If you can still feel that
Your heart is with him
Then maybe
Maybe.
That is love.
~Yumi.
I always found something funny.
You know how people say 'You've grown up.'
Or, 'You've finally matured.'
Or, 'You're finally an adult.'
What, just what
Determines maturity of a person?
How grown up a person is?
Is a person who, gives up on his or her dreams and ambitions
And settling down in life
Is that kind person a matured person?
Is conformity maturity?
Is being who you are immaturity?
Just who is given the rights to decide the maturity of a person?
What is it measured by?
The number of successes
How well he or she studies?
How well they act in public,
How well they get along with people?
To me,
There's no such thing as a matured person.
If there was, then why do some people view an individual as matured
But other view him or her as naive?
It's all a form of perception.
There's only someone who understands you more,
And someone who doesn't.
Someone who understands a certain side of the world more,
And someone who doesn't.
Someone who cherish a certain value more,
And someone who cherishes other values more.
Everyone is entitled to their own thoughts and freedom.
Hence, there's no reason why you should try understand someone from your own values but
Understand them from their values.
That's what I learnt.
Don't force it on others.
-Yumi.